House-Buying and Weird Shit

 

“Hey, my wife needs a house. You have one to sell?”

 “Yes, but it’s in Roseburg, Oregon. Nobody wants to live there.”

 “Perfect! She doesn’t want to live there either, but she has to be close to her dad.”

 This is the conversation I picture in my head of my husband, John, having with the owner of my new house in whatever realm they are both in now. The homeowner also passed away in November of last year and his heirs were in charge of selling it.

 I was in town running errands and driving by properties when I first saw the listing on my phone. I saw the cross streets and thought it was in a completely different part of town. It was a part of town Dad told me to stay away from because there was a lot of drug activity there.

 When I got home, I got another notification from Redfin about it, so I looked further at the listing and location. Not where I thought it was. It was at the high end of my price range, but given the square footage and lot size, it seemed underpriced for the Roseburg market. Hmmm, must be something wrong with it, I thought.

 I immediately called my realtor and said I wanted to see it ASAP. While we were walking the back part of the property, a deer peered over a giant blackberry bush and stared directly at us. She seemed unfazed at our presence and we literally made eye contact. I got goosebumps.

 I’ve been looking at houses in the Roseburg area for almost a year. This house was the first one that checked almost all my boxes. It has a big yard for DD dog to do her zoomies. It has 3 bedrooms and 2 baths, surprisingly hard to find 2 bath houses in this town. It has gas service to the house, another rarity. I HATE cooking on electric stoves. I’m a good cook, but damn, does an electric range screw with my mojo. It has a good buffer between neighboring houses. (I’m craving quiet and privacy.)  It has a garage and covered parking. It is in a good neighborhood.

 I made an offer on the spot. I wasn’t about to lose it, so I offered asking with a $10,000 escalation clause. I had to wait out the weekend while they showed it to other prospective buyers. My offer was accepted, no escalation clause needed. Thus started the whole home-buying process. Inspections, title searches, etc.

To step back in time for a bit of backstory. This might be a bit “out there” for some of my readers, but, what the hell. I am what I am. John had a friend who has the gift of communicating with the departed. They had conversations before he died about what she wanted her “sign” to be that he was there. That is between them, but that lead to my conversation with John about what I wanted my “sign” to be. To be honest, John didn’t believe there was anything beyond death. He expected there was nothing. He would simply cease to be. It’s not what I believe, so to humor me, he engaged in the possibility that he could contact me from wherever he might be. I told him I didn’t want it to be something as pedestrian as a ladybug, but I really didn’t know what to choose. I told him that most likely, I’d know he was near when I found something funny that only he and I would get. And because we are who we are, I said, “Whenever I get a pain in my ass, I’ll know you’re around.” We both had a good laugh.

 I was in contact with his friend after his passing, and she shared with me dreams and energy she was feeling regarding him. She felt that he presented himself to her as a stag, as my protector, and that he was taking on the burden of solving my housing problem. Another friend also told me she saw him as a stag, as my protector. So when I saw the deer at the house, staring so intently at me and not scared away, I thought, hmmmm. John was fiercely protective of me in life, so why would I question that he is still protecting me now?

 The day after I put in the offer on the home, I got in my car to drive to town. There was a ladybug on my arm. I hadn’t seen a ladybug in AGES, and there it was…on my arm. OK, John, message received.

Dad and I drove to the house again the next day, without the realtor, just to get a second look and feel. The deer was there again. This time lying down under a tree, watching us. OK, Jill, how many signs do you need?

 The path to closing day hasn’t been easy. There were a lot of things on inspection, mainly the roof needed replacing sooner rather than later. There were foundation issues, thankfully nothing serious but in need of attention. The furnace is likely older than I am. OK, no biggy. I’d already planned on installing a ductless heat/AC system. The seller agreed to conceding the cost of the roof, so we had a contract! Dad generously offered to help me with some of the other major expenses.

 In the meantime, I had the days marked on my calendar until closing…May 6^th. Then my financial advisor came up with an alternative to a home mortgage that would literally save me thousands of dollars, but would also delay closing by a couple of weeks. Worth it.

 Here we are, closing on May 21^st. My dad is excited to have “projects”…helping with the physical move, mowing my lawn for the first time, helping put up a fence, installing a doggy door. I’m glad to give him projects. His eyesight is failing and is severely limiting what he’s able to do, but his mind is more active than ever and he’s physically in better shape than a lot of men 20 years younger. But I’m ecstatic at the thought of having my own space again, not living out of boxes, not being on someone else’s schedule, having more than a hundred square foot bedroom to call my own. And most of all, having a quiet place to grieve.

 I’ve done a fantastic job of hiding my grieving from my father, from friends. I think two people, my sister and my bestie, know how hard the past 5 months have been. My bestie said it best this morning when she said my grieving has been put on pause. I told her what I wanted most was to crawl under my covers and cry all day, but I don’t have that luxury here. I’ve had to pause it, stifle it, suppress it. I don’t know how long I will spend crying when I finally have a quiet space.

 I have John to thank for the house I’m moving to this week. Yes, he made sure I was OK financially after his death, but I know he had a hand in this particular house. When I saw the listing on my phone, I had a feeling it was the “one” even though I initially dismissed it. He sent me signs he was guiding it. He tested my patience with all the delays and missteps. Maybe that’s the pain in my ass we talked about!